Is life really meaningful?

I had been questioning myself for this for so long. And i still can't get a answer.

I know it's not an easy question. But the answer always come from expression of a person.
Some feel meaningful and some are not.
Why God want those who feel life is not meaningful to stay in this world. They feel so meanless staying and yet god are trying to toture them.
I know it a test for us but it simply to hard.
Some of them can't take it n some of them pass through.
Why can't just make it fair and simply. And not making thing worst.

I don't know how good life feels. But i already taste the bad life as a human being.
I seen all different of person n feels alot of feeling.
But that not all. I still got so long road to go.
Do u think it fair for a human being to do so much thing.

Good life dont feel anything. And bad life always taste all this shit. I dont mean it but it is a fact.

Even a human being leave this world. They still concern the family outcome. Not just asset and even their united as a family.

After seeing my grandpa leave this world.
The family is just like a crushed broken glass.
And my dad n mum divorce.

I really fears of making a family. It meaningless.
And bcos of this i learn how to independent abd self esteem. I think my grandpa is teaching me how to survive even without anyone out there. And i feels it a correct way. I really know le grandpa. Thanks u for teaching me. I will prove to everyone my capablilty and prove them wrong. I will forever respect u.

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Not in the mind

Today i had no feeling at all as a human being.
I don't even know what im doing.

I'm feel so stress and exhausted. I really want to take some break.
But i can't.
Life is making me so miserable.
Sometime i feel like ending my life. Because i always walking in the wrong path.
Now i don't know what is right and what is wrong.
I don't have a sense to feel it.
Friend also thought im enjoying my life. But I'm totally not.
I got so much problem. I really feel very very stress.

I don't deserve all this. it totally unfair to me.
If this really what i get. Why should i stay in this world?
I really think i don't belong here.
Maybe end of my life is the best way to solve all my problem.
Because i don't need to worry anymore. All this problem really make me
can't concentrate on everything.
I had give up my passion and ambition.
And this is what i get in the end.
i think i'm that stupid.

And i want to apologies to all my mistake that i have done.

I really want to say sorry to my 3 superior for giving them so much trouble
i know it totally my fault. if i don't start. Now it won't end up like this.

I really feels so SORRY for them.

And i also want to say SORRY to THOMAS.
i know i'm too over the limit. And i really deserve scolding from you.
I don't blame u for what u done. And i know my mistake.

I also want to say SORRY to my both bosses. For given them so much trouble.
I really feel so bad.

I also want to apologies to all my colleague and friend out there. if i had done thing that make u think it over the limit. i really feels bad. And if u think i'm that bastard than i'm alright to break the friendship. Because i know i don't deserve to be your friend at all. I know how it feels. I'm alright for that.

I know SORRY can't solve the problem. But i swear to god i won't do it again.

I'm Back

Hi Everyone, it had been long time since i blog.... So sry. too busy till almost forget my blog liao.

I had not been doing gd since my grandfather leave this world. Im so stress now.
-So much problem to handle
-Facing alot of diffculties
-Now family so many issue

I dont know why i have to face all this, i come to this world for almost 20 years. I had nvr ever get any good thing and instead bad stuff always come to me.

Sometime i really feel i dont deserve to be in this world Or the god trying to joke with me.

I really dont understand why? Why all this shit must happen to me. Why cant i be a normal human being enjoying their teenage life and feel happy everyday.

I really dont know what to do now. I want to forgive n forget. But i cant.

When i see my fellow family enjoying their life n im stuggleling my life. I really feel of going toward them and scold them. But i cant do it bcos of my grandfather. I respect him so much. I always does my best to be a gd grandson. I really like my grandfather so much. I also miss him alot. But what i get in the end. A piece of shit..... Nothing.

All my uncle n auntie get my grandfather left over asset. And my family get nothing. It totally not fair.... They go travel n i Struggleing.

I really need some break to cool down. But once i think back. I will feel so angry like a viper snake. Going to bait till it dead.

If God dont even help me.
I going to be crazy le....
I juz want fair n peaceful life.
Juz a simple thing request.
But the god dont even want to fufill my wish.

Haiz. Said so much also no use. I gonna solve the problem. Either i win it or i going to make thing worst.

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Current mode - not feeling good
Current song - jay sean walking alone

Today feel so tired... Yesterday injured my knee...
Now swollen... But I still go to work. And never sleep well
Well today is sherraine birthday. I want to wish her happy birthday. Even duo I'm busy but I will never forget her birthday. So wish her dream come true n success on what ever she do...she a future star n I know she can do it. So pls continue support her.....

Well I still working...
I will blog again asap....

Hi everyone. Im back blogger.
Hmm didnt talk much during work.
It really not like me lol....
But maybe after yesterday i had enough of
this shit. ENOUGH.. That it. I will do what i asked to do
Other than that i will zipped and throw into the bin.

Now i just reliase that there is so many different attitude of people in this world... Some are juz too much till dont even deserve to be human being.... Maybe animals suit them more.

I not trying to protest but they are juz overboard....
And they dont even appriciate friend that treat them good.
I really had enough of this shit.
Friend always help each other but some dont even care their die....And sometime even family also give this kind of case...

Haizzz... Everything is so complicated....

Well im still working... Hope everything can go smoothly and end it with happiness..... See you all tomorrow...

Good night and thanks for reading my lao shao...
Apologise if u feel this is bad but i really had enough of this attitude that friend and supervisor given me....
Bcos they TOTALLY TOO MUCH......

Well wasnt be great today.
I was blogging ytd late night n in the end i wake up late.
But lucky i manage to reach office on time.

But that not all of my day. I didnt have a good working day Today and end up so crook up wherever i do.

Hmm maybe not enough rest or think too much liao.
I really wish time can gone faster and start moving on into future. We will nvr know what will going to be happen for the next few years but im really excited to look forward of this future....
Hope eveything can go on smoothly and when the time come. Everything will be in a best and fresh enviroment.
Aiyo i also dont know what am i saying now. But doesnt matter. Hope world peace......

And it time to start planning future liao....
And my desire is still on. I hope i wont give up so easy

Current song : Rainie Yang - Yu ai
Current mood : Tiring

Sry long time nvr blog. Bcos i too busy le
i currently working shift so my schedule is totally pack.
But i really hope i will start spent some time on my blog.
Thing not going well recently. But really thks my workin team mate. Bcos they are the one keep cheer me up. Even i had problem they are always the one pull me out from dead end.
And my family had given me so much problem now.
I dont know why cant it be simple and easy and yet making thing so diffcult and complicated. Aiyo... Maybe this is what god given me a test. I really hope thing will get back as usual.
Now i really had to think about earing more money. Bcos in this world money cant earn finish but i wish i can earn as mufh as i can.... Relationship, i will temporary said no. Simple still can but actual i will said no. I want to put more effort on money.... Bcos in this world no money u will nvr survive. And i the only person working for my family. If i stop my family welfare will stop. So they are count on me. So i cannot stop earning money. I know im still young. But i had already put money on my first list. So i now had started to cut down spenting money and put more effort on earning money. But god can give me a chance to start afresh and clear all my bad sin away... Hope all my friend there. Pls stop me on spenting on thing that not really needed at all. Thks. I really apprciate if u stop me... Bcos i know u are my true frez.....

Well that all but i want to say a last word n it is

SORRY SHERRAINE. I know wat i did. And i apologise for that.
Maybe i too eagle for that but i know my mistake....
Hope u see this can accept my apologise. Or else i will feel bad forever. And i swear i wont disturb u anymore. Bcos i know im not the one that u are looking for and i still thick skin by putting it on my blog.... I really sorry........ >:-(

Today didnt enjoy much. Spent all my time at hm
feeling of going out but no money haizzz.

Really it time to save up some money liao.
Now i finally feel that no money really
cannot survive in this world.

I hope once i said it. I dont forget.
Bcos since than i said le but nvr do it

but now i really take this seriously liao.
Well not much to post.
Tomorrow working morning shift.

So good night everyone
hope can post to u people soon
GOOD NIGHT

Well i had not been blogging for so long liao.
I had been busy on working n life.
But ever since i enlisted till now.
I still cant find a way to get my life better.
Always dont feel the way of living as human being.

Good thing always didnt come to me.
And bad thing always have in my shoe.
I dont really know what good thing feel like.
And i had been so long since i tasted a good feeling.
People always said life is enjoyable and excitment.
But why i cant feel and imagine that.

Friend always said i had no life. But actully
i have but bcos of parent strict and upholding my
entire life. Now i had to suffer so much.

Mum now sick
Dad dont even think of working.

Now if i dont help to support family. They will
die. I really wan to have the same life with my frez
always pub, clubbing etc. But i cant. Frez always said
im rich got this and that. But that all my hardwork n
saving to buy. N that the only thing to enjoy my life.

I really need to think twice now. I had so much problem
but yet i had been keeping for so long till i had totally burst
the whole thing out.

I really wan life and freedom with alot of money.
I dont wan to continue this life. I had enough of this
i wan to enjoy travel around the whole world n
with unthinkable welfare.
This is not i wan my life to be right now and my future
pls god change my life. I dont want to continue like this
i really regert i didnt appriciate my past. Now i wan it back

well today is august 9th. i wish singapore a happy 45th birthday. And hope ecomonic can go well soon so we wont have trouble surviving. by the way im going to operation soon. On the 1st september. But i wish my operation is succes. i now keep spenting my off day at home. First so bored, than dont wish to spend money. Lol. Really sian lol. Now i know saving money it hard and spenting money is just as easy as anything. But i will continue endure my saving. And now i had thinkk twice. I wan to quit gambler and think about future.but sometime still must play it for fun lah. Dont said totally quit. At least have abit of excitment still ok lor. Haiz SYOG coming. Sure very busy sure miss alot of getai. Haizz nvr mind i also nvr work liao. So getai doesnt mean so much. Concernate ns more better than working outside.

That all i quite busy this few wks so maybe i will blog before my operation. God plzzz bless my operation successful